Never thought I would be here


Over the summer I had a really bad time. I had a pretty bad breast cancer scare. Thankfully,  I am fine but I have gained so much weight. I am at 289.

Yep, 289.

I’m upset.

But… I’m going back to my trainer. And I’m trying.

I feel like I fail all the time.

But I have to just keep on trying…and do my best.

Yes, I use a personal trainer. No, that doesn’t make me lazy


The first time I told friends and family about getting a personal trainer, everyone applauded my step towards getting healthier. That was over a year ago and I am now on my second trainer and second gym, one that I love.

So it came to me as a big surprise, over the past year, when more than once I came across people saying that those who hire trainers are lazy, and lack motivation.

I’m sorry, but what?

To me it is the exact opposite. You are acknowledging that you need help with your goals and you are taking even more substantial steps in doing so. Does everyone need a trainer? Certainly not. But those who have one, especially ones who acquire one to lose any amount of weight, should not be villianized. 

What has sparked this somewhat of a rant has come from comments I read on a CNN article. If you didn’t know, they feature stories of weight loss transformation at least once a week on their Facebook page. I enjoy reading them because they inspire me and let me know that I am not alone in my quest. This is the story I watched this evening:

And this is the comment on Facebook that angered me so:


While I agree that you have to want it, and you have to have drive… sometimes you need someone in your corner. Sometimes you need a professional to help you navigate the at times highly frustrating world of nutrition and fitness.

I also came across this negative outlook on trainers when talking to a potential date. I met him online and we started texting. I mentioned to him that I needed to get up early to go see my trainer. He asked me why I saw one, and I gladly explained. That investing in the trainer gives me extra incentive to go workout and eat right. That I didn’t really have a workout buddy here in Indy that could help motivate me and that I liked having someone who knew all the answers to my questions. He responded saying that people who see trainers are lazy, and unable to motivate themselves. That if you truly wanted to lose weight then you should just do it and not need someone to babysit you…….Needless to say we did not talk much after that.

To him and others who doubt the need for trainers for the people who want them:

I am not lazy.
I do motivate myself. I only see my trainer once a week. The other 167.5 hours in the week it is just me dragging myself out of bed to the gym, and cooking my healthy food.
Do I fail? Hell yes I do! I didn’t workout by myself for almost three months. I still saw my trainer, and it ate me up inside that I was paying him to help me and I wasn’t helping myself. So I kicked myself in the ass and got myself in gear. Now I can see my trainer with pride and even surprise him when I can do more than what he expected.

Don’t judge how people choose to change their lives for the better. The woman I watched in the video did it all by herself. That is amazing and I am proud of her. Am I jealous or envious that she was able to do it without a trainer? Nope.

Because the one thing I have learned throughout the last year from both my trainers but especially my current one, Ronnie, is that you can’t judge others or be jealous of them or base your progress on their success because everyone has their own journey.

Whether you have a trainer, a workout buddy, or you are trying to become healthy all on your own….the point is…you are doing it. That is all that matters.

The allure of the Golden Arches


I was doing really well today. Ate oatmeal for breakfast, carrots and hummus for snack, broccoli and baked chicken for lunch, but then…

As I was coming home from work (I get off at midnight), I realized I had nothing made for my dinner. I lost my will and stopped at McDonalds.

It was awful.

I don’t feel good.

Tomorrow, I will prepare my food for the week like I used to so I can avoid this mess again.


Great Saturday!!!


So today was an AMAZING day! Not only did I get a ton of sleep (ten hours to be exact), but I ate really healthy. BUT the best part was that I went to the gym by myself for the first time since the end of January. This is huge step for me. Since I lost my part time job right at the end of January, I was hit with a lot. I was crazy sick, and then I sprained my ankle. I thought that once my ankle had healed I would be back to my old self. You know going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week, eating super healthy, and continue on my weight loss journey.

But… I went on a downward spiral. Eating terribly, being extremely lazy, and just basically being depressed. I still saw my trainer but that really didn’t do much because it wasn’t being backed up by a good lifestyle. I think I am finally getting back on track.

I only did 33 minutes on the elliptical.  I could tell how out of shape I have become. I was able to do pretty intense workouts on that thing for at least 45 minutes. But this winded me and boy was I sweating. But it made me feel amazing. The first step back is always the hardest. I was able to burn 350 calories,  but I have a weird way of tracking my progress. I like to be at least 50 calories burned over the amount of minutes. So if I work out on the elliptical for 45 minutes, 10 calories per minute would be 450…so I would want to reach 500 calories. It sounds weird. This time I only did 20 calories over my time. But I am just getting my feet wet again.

Today I ate a delicious turkey sandwich,  a salad with chicken and yummy veggies for lunch, and finally some scrambled eggs. I hope to do better tomorrow and not have to buy my food. Gotta get back to making all my meals!!!

My current goal is to lose weight before my friends get into town on June 20th. I weighed myself this morning and it was 258.4…by the time they get here I would like to be 245 or lower. 13 pounds in 40 days. I think I can!

Let’s see how tomorrow goes!!!




Frustration with sleeping schedule!:

Decided to make a video diary about how I was feeling yesterday. When you are trying to be healthy it is so important to have a good sleeping schedule. And the last two weeks just haven’t been clicking with my sleep. Check out my video. Will be posting more, since sometimes it’s easier to just say it out loud how you are feeling.

Today was a much better day. I was able to get almost 6 full hours of sleep before going to my trainers appointment. We did legs today…well more like lower body since we did a lot of ab work as well. 30 lunges with 5 lb weights in each hand. My butt hurts!!! Did pretty good with nutrition today too! Downfalls: I had 2.5 cookies and a soda
Good things: oatmeal, fiber bar, subway turkey breast sandwich, and then lamb kebabs with a little saffron rice and a Greek salad.
Definitely not my worst day.
Tomorrow I WILL go to workout by myself… even if it kills me.

Welp, I did it again.


Here is the story:

I got fired from my second job. Turns out working 70 hours per week will make you lose focus and not perform well on the job. Shocker, I know. It sucked being fired, that had never happened before to me. But in the end it was good because I needed sleep, and it has given me more personal time.


I slipped back into my old terrible, terrible ways of eating nasty food and not working out. It is May 2nd. I haven’t worked out by myself (without my trainer) since I got fired on January 30th. That is a long ass time to not go to the gym when I don’t have an appointment. This is just inexcusable.

As much as I hated my second job for its hours, it actually helped me with my clean eating and working out. Because I had such little room for error, I actually succeeded. I almost broke free of my 250lb mark. Now…I am hovering around 268 to almost 270lbs again. It us just awful.

But, May, she shall be my month.

I had a great workout with Ronnie this morning. My legs are a bit undone haha. And I am going to get back into my clean eating. I feel physically gross from all the crap I have been putting into my body.

I need to find that drive and rhythm I had when I first started in 2013 when I was just working at the station.

I will find it again. This is a journey. With hills, valleys, and mountains. All for me to weather. I just have to love myself and learn how to cope better with situations and not let it take over. Learn to let it not hinder my progress.

May will be good 🙂